A Rant About My Culture (Part 2)



Before I get into anything – let me present this thread from Twitter to you:

Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 10.43.46 PM

Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 10.43.49 PM

There was a HUGE blowout on #BrownTwitter, and from what I saw, there was a lot of conversation about Brown/Desi guys and their lack of respect towards Brown/Desi girls. Although generalization can never lead to diplomacy in a conversation like this one, I can say that I’ve met plenty of Desi guys here in the U.S.A., and I’ve always felt as if they just hold us Desi women on a lower pedestal than Caucasian women (emphasis on the fact that I am relaying experiences that I’ve had with a Pakistani boy and two Indian boys. This essay is based off of those experiences). We aren’t sought after like Caucasian women are; in fact, we are expected to reciprocate any interest that a Desi guy shows us – because well, we’re both brown. The attraction is quite inevitable, isn’t it? But this attraction is temporary, and although inevitable, it is far less than the attraction a Desi man can feel towards the more exotic creature: a Caucasian woman.

Let’s start with experience one: Bootleg Zayn Malik.

This guy was pretty cute. He was extremely charming and suave, and knew how to talk to girls. Most of the girls in the Muslim community that he was a part of fawned over him, and even when they didn’t, they were actually imploding. His white friends consistently compared him to Zayn Malik. I spoke to him for quite some time, and he asked  me to be his girlfriend and so I said sure! One day, he sends me a text saying he wants to break up with me. Cool! Apparently, he almost (almost?! what does this even mean) cheated on me with some girl (we both went to different schools) and so he wanted to break up with me before he actually did cheat on me. I really didn’t care, until he posted a picture the next day with his new, white girlfriend. Blonde, tan (but not tan like me because that would be weird, right?) and bikini clad. All I could think was, what the hell?

Experience two: The Liar

I’m going to leave out some details, and not because they aren’t important, but because it’s more important to maintain my privacy as well as other’s. Long story short, I met this guy, and he was adorable and funny and cute and wildly immature. He kept saying these weird things – “I hope my girlfriend doesn’t find out about you!” “Just kidding, I don’t have a girlfriend.” “Wow, I’ve never really thought Indian girls were that attractive!” “My girlfriend will not like this – haha, just kidding!” and since he was pulling my leg almost all of the time with other jokes, I was like OK, maybe he is kidding about this girlfriend thing. I was stupid. Obviously, these “jokes” should have been a sign and I should’ve walked away from this kid, but I didn’t. And later, I found out that he did in fact have a girlfriend – and not only did she seem out of his league, but she seemed like a really good person. I just hope he never did that again to her, I hope I was the last person he said that to. His girlfriend is Caucasian, by the way.

Experience three: The Fast and the Furious

Don’t ask me about the name, OK? It’s an inside joke.

WHY LIKE, SHOW INTEREST IN A GIRL WHEN YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?! Long story short, and of course leaving certain details (that actually aren’t necessary) out so I can protect people’s privacy as well as my own: Cute Indian guy asked me to hang out, I said yes sure, I’m new to this town, he explains that he goes to school in California but he travels so often, and he’s back in town to visit his family, I’m like great! You’re cute! A few days later, my friend asks me to stalk him. Obviously stalking feels more acceptable and normal when your friends ask you to do it and partake in it with you, so I stalk him. I find out that he has a girlfriend, and she’s Caucasian. I shut my laptop and I scream.

Why must Brown girls be the substitute, the summer fling, the “side hoe”? Maybe it’s because we’re unattractive, prudish, self-loathing, mentally ill feminists!

Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 11.06.21 PM

Of course, there is something desirable about interracial dating, but interracial dating shouldn’t dissipate respect. There are plenty of Desi women who are attracted to Caucasian men, but I am calling attention to the fact that There are plenty of Brown men who just don’t seem to look at Brown women equally  – and this is even more so prevalent in a Westernized society. Being Brown and living in the USA is the best of both worlds – you’ve got one foot caught in your Indian roots, but the other is free to explore and exoticize the things that really shouldn’t be exoticized. 

But why is this happening? It all has to do with our culture and how we choose to bring up our Brown children: The girls are more protected, they are told to respect themselves, to not go out too much and to not speak too much, to be safe and to be careful who they are hanging out with. What about the boys? They’re free to do whatever they want – they’re boys, they can handle themselves. They don’t have to let their parents know where they’re going before they leave the house like their sisters do, and what they wear isn’t correlated with self-respect.

Countries like India, Pakistan and Bangladesh have struggled with issues of female infanticide and child marriage (and they still do). Females are considered a burden, a nuisance – unnecessary, even. If you are pregnant with a boy child, you’ve done something great for yourself and your family. This mindset has ultimately led to the modernization of the very same indifference, aversion and antagonism towards Brown females that makes them so undesirable to men of their own race.

Personally, I’d love to end up with an Indian guy eventually, but for now, I’m going to flirt with that white guy over there. (SO EXOTIC!)


2 thoughts on “A Rant About My Culture (Part 2)

  1. A lot of the stuff you mention in the last few paragraphs of your post is actually super similar to the things I experience as an East Asian girl. Asian girls in general are hyperfetishized, exoticized, and treated way, WAY differently from their male counterparts, and it was…comforting? in a way? to see that someone close to my age from a different culture calling out this sort of shit like a total girlboss. One thing I haven’t dealt with (yet), though, that you talked about here is the messed-up way those guys treated you—that totally sucks, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You def don’t deserve that—you’re a star! ★

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s