Of course there have been birthday parties with mini cupcakes and greasy pizza and relentless games of Cards Against Humanity – but I am talking about, you know, actual parties.
So, I’ve never gotten drunk (except for that light, legal buzz during spring break of 2013 in Italy), reminisced it (or regretted it) the next morning, and repeated it all over again. I have especially done none of these things at a party with dancing and people and cop paranoia. Maybe this post is aimless, but maybe it’s this way of figuring out if there’s something terribly wrong with me, or terribly right, or terribly nonsensical because hey – does it really matter?
I guess we’ve all got these different measures or standards or subjective ideas about happiness and excitement and fun, and mine just may not be parties. I have never been to a party so I wouldn’t know – but also have never felt the desire to go to one (if I have, it was probably due to my throttling need to fit in); to dance with people I don’t know, to get drunk out of my mind, to “try this” or “sip this.”
On weekend nights I do sort of feel like Wow, I am really out of the loop, I am so boring, unadventurous, etc. when I go through peoples’ snapchat stories or scroll down my Instagram feed or read my Twitter feed the next morning (also, isn’t it weird how social media sometimes tricks us into thinking that we are too different?). I kind of think – wow, I actually don’t want to do this, and it’s not because I’ve got that “holier than thou” mentality but because I actually don’t want to, and my clothes are already kind of weird and I pull silly faces a lot and I’m already just this weird, awkward person, so does this add onto the list?
The truth is, I find cuddling with animals fun; I mean, they’re so loving and they don’t judge you and you don’t need to be drunk to get along with them. I also think long drives are fun; I do this a lot with my mom and I did it a lot my sophomore year when I had these super cool, older friends. It would be really late at night, chilly but also humid, and the windows would be down and the music would be great and there’s nothing to say and there’s nothing you’ve smoked (because you’re also too lame to do drugs) and it’s just this natural high of I’m here right now, I am happy right now, and I know it, I am sure, I am aware, and I love it. I think eating ice cream and listening to good music at 2:00 am in the morning is fun, too; you’re in between being asleep but being awake and the ice cream for some reason tastes even better and you kind of want to cry because the lyrics are getting to you and you feel like Tweeting things you probably shouldn’t (but you do anyway) because you feel so honest and raw and too tired to care.
It’s kind of just fun to be in the moment but also to be aware that you are. And maybe being drunk is super fun and exciting too, but I wouldn’t know, and I don’t care to know as of right now. I’ll stick to the animal cuddling.
Quote: “High school isn’t a very important place. When you’re going you think it’s a big deal, but when it’s over nobody really thinks it was great unless they’re beered up.” – Stephen King
Collage pictures: unrestrictxd.tumblr.com, furything.tumblr.com, neverbreak-thechain.tumblr.com, chupamelapepa.tumblr.com
Photograph: Upasna Barath